I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
