He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
