after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
