Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I deserve this hangover.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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