We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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