He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
