After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
