Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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