Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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