Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
