It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How external is "for external use only"?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
