were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
