he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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