some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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