oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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