He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
