No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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