There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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