that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
