Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
