I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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