No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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