i think my tv is drunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it glows. i had to have it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
