I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
