kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
