i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
