you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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