my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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