...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
