i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
