....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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