we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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