Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
