Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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