The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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