I must be too annoying 4 u.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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