I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
