Pappa wants mamma naked
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
