WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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