i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
