my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
