I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
