new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize