I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Every concussion has its silver lining
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
