drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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