Buhtt sex?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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