Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
