It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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