Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
