He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
