I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
