Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
