Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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